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Thought Catalog

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Dear Cough That Will Not Go Away,

Hey, old friend. First, I have to congratulate you on your reliability and persistence. I mean, man. You’ve really stuck around. Other illnesses, they come and go as they please but not you, cough, no. You are here on a consistent basis. You’ve become something I can really rely on.

You started as a tickle at night. You were a warning sign. I thought I could drink some water and suppress you. I’m sorry for doubting your power. I’m sorry for not taking you seriously though you’ve certainly shown me that was a huge mistake. Haha. Like, remember when I tried that cough spray from CVS and you were all, “Nope?” Good times, right? I was so naive back then.

Then, you started coming full-force in the night. I didn’t think we were at that point in our relationship but when it happened…

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Thought Catalog

Last week I wrote a piece called “If We Talked About Men Like We Talked About Women,” that highlighted the gender discourse of criticism in our country. I used media politics as an avenue to explore the everyday realities that women must navigate. Most of the feedback was positive, but a number of commenters felt that the ways in which we shittalk men and women were equal. “Men get criticized, too!” rang the dissenting opinion. Someone even posted in an anti-feminism Reddit about it. It’s called “Anti-Feminism.” Clever, y’all.

I felt that the dissension was worth engaging, because I feel like men do get criticized, but in a very different way. Whereas we look to take down women and invalidate their perspectives, we often make excuses for men or let them off the hook. Although one mistake or flaw can ruin an actress’ career (see: aging), men get an infinite…

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Msde me giggle

Thought Catalog

1. You can dance.

Now before all of you start coming at me from every corner of Reddit to cut me off at the pass of my misandry, fedoras clutched in your gnarled fingers and neckbeards springing forth from your quivering underchin like a thousand resilient dandelions, hold on. I don’t mean that those who are incapable of getting past the first two rounds of So You Think You Can Dance are destined to remain shriveled virgins. We don’t all have to be the non-horrific version of Chris Brown when it comes to moving our feet along a dance floor. However, if you are the kind of person who is determined to stay glued against the wall while everyone else is having fun and being silly, I don’t know how your hips would do if naked and horizontal. I don’t have high hopes for them, though.

2. Your sexuality isn’t…

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Living

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So I was in bed before 9pm tonight as a reward to myself for doing something…I’m just not sure what yet. As I was taking off my make up I was thinking about the delights of finances. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. The more my partner and I earn the more broke we seem to be. I started questioning any reckless spending but I hate to admit to it- even to myself. What is it about money that makes everything so much more upsetting and embarrassing. We both work really hard but I don’t feel that there is such a thing as value for money anymore. I don’t feel I ever get a real and genuine bargain. I got some cereal the other day for my daughter and brother. It was 2 packs for £4…that’s hardly an offer…it’s bloody cereal and the packs weren’t even that generous. O begrudgingly paid for it at the till wondering if I had done the right thing. These thoughts of money bring me on to a more sensitive and controversial topic on benefits. Benefits in the UK are interesting and I don’t really understand the ind and outs of them as much as I try. I feel threatened by them and I have neverly relied on them either. I see positive in some of the changes that are due to come into force soon but I am also quite worried about them too. Benefits should be a last resort but I don’t feel that they are. Given my experience in work benefit claiming id classed as a full time job and hobby to some families and it’s a real shame- those who either do deserve it or have an unfortunate set if circumstances forced on them. The disability side of things really gets to me too…there are so many claims by people with disabilities who are not working and I don’t understand why. There is a job out there for almost everyone and sone times it’s about finding what’s right for you and work can be incredibly rewarding. People use their disability as an excuse and it gives baf press to others out there working or really suffering and experiencing serious difficulties. I was left speechless at the upset, unemployed people made to work for their benefits. I’m sure pound shops are degrading but hey it’s the least they can do. A bit of community work wouldn’t harm them at all and I don’t feel it’s an unreasonable request in general practice although it may need some further tweaking. There was a young female on the news who declared herself a dingle mother to two children and her actual words were “I didn’t choose this life”…I was a young single mother and I worked until a month before my daughter was due and put her in nursery and went back to work when she was 4 months old! How did that other mother “not choose” did she wake up one morning sacked and with two small children abandonded and chained to her?! She also called the work slave labour…clearly she has never held down 3 jobs at once; none of which particularly well paid! I’m pretty open to discussion on topics and maybe my thoughts are often a little out of line and controversial but I’ll always listen to the other side even if I don’t agree because there is often valid points I miss. I just feel strongly about my pride and hard work and despise the punishment most worker have to be pushed to dish out more and more, and that’s just to travel to work and back!

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Thought Catalog

A while ago, I came across this gem of a quote while listening to an interview with Ira Glass on one of my regular podcasts, WTF with Marc Maron. As the topic of fashion was broached, Glass had this to say:

Then I quickly throw on some clothes — the same outfit every day, pretty much. It’s just… I hate shopping because I hate myself and I don’t know what clothes to wear. And I get into an existential crisis when I have to choose clothes because I think ‘Well who am I, that I would wear this shirt rather than this one.’ I’m not proud of that… There was a period about 10 years ago where I would have to get drunk in order to buy clothes.

I think about this all the time, probably because this pretty closely captures how I feel when buying clothes. Shopping is…

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The Belle Jar

1. Assume that you are loved.

2. Assume that those who love you find some kind of value in you and the things you do.

3. Assume, however, that you don’t need to be valuable in order to be worthy of love.

4. Assume that there is no one out there keeping a tally of all of your failings, ready to throw it in your face when you’re either feeling too good or too awful about yourself.

5. Assume that if anyone actually is keeping a tally of all your failings, that act says more about them than it does about you.

6. Assume that you can’t make all of the people happy all of the time; maybe not even some of the people some of the time.

7. Assume that you will, over the course of your life, sometimes anger or disappoint the people you love.

8. Assume that…

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I like the idea of 1st and 3rd person and the mental changes it creates

People-triggers

“It ain’t so much the things we don’t know that get us into trouble, it’s the things we do know that just ain’t so.” —Mark Twain

MythsSome (very reputable) psychologists are absolutely convinced that DNA is destiny. Other (very reputable) psychologists are convinced that your personality is shaped by what happens to you as an infant – or perhaps even in the first few minutes of life. This is what I love about psychology: the theories are all over the map and yet somehow everyone is still credible.

One very interesting dimension to personality has to do with the stories that we tell ourselves. Research has increasingly revealed that our personal life stories – our mental self-narratives – contribute substantially to our personalities and behaviors. An excellent New York Times article from 2007 summarizes much of this current research.

As the interpreter of our world, the mind is very…

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