Sexy and you know it all

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As you can tell I spend a lot of my spare time at the gym, reading about it or talking about it. One of my major issues at the gym (apart from the people that go!) is the personal trainers.

By personal trainers I do not mean all of them, under some catch all umbrella term, as some I know are very helpful and knowledgeable, but the ones at my gym seem to be from another planet. Planet Asshole. I really struggle with them and their attitudes.

They are all males at the gym and I have ended up having it out with one of the more cocky ones and his smart ass attitude to gym goers that they appear to me to be seen as a target “un-knowledgeable girls”. I am clearly seen as one of them as I am not toned (through choice and love of food) and I was the target on this occasion and unfortunately for him I was pumped up and ready for a ruck.

I have outlined the circumstances on this particular occasions for your reference! He asked me what I  was doing and when I said legs he asked what exercises I do for that – when I told him about the exercises he started shaking his head and patronising me like these PT’s seem to do.

Him – “Oh no, you don’t want to be doing that, those exercises are for bodybuilding, where did you get that from? That’s not right for you or for toning”

That got my back up… I was all HOLD UP!!! at this point. “Toning? You don’t know what my goal is! Bodybuilding is what I want to achieve!”

Him – “Well you won’t get lean that way – most women want to get lean and toned”

Me – “I’m not most women. I don’t understand how you can come to that assumption when you’ve never met or spoken to me before now. I’m more interested in increasing my BMR.”

Him – “Do you know really what BMR means?”

Me (dagger looks) – “Basal. Metabolic. Rate. Thank you. I want to increase my muscle mass, therefore increasing my BMR, leading me to be able to eat more. My goal is to be able to eat more food.”

Him – “Oh. Well you need to do more squats and less….”

At this point I walked away. I’m not 8, I’m not at school anymore, I’m not a naughty girl and I definitely don’t need to be belittled by anyone. Needless to say I’ve been ignored by him ever since but on the other hand none of them have tried to talk to me since.

Girl power!

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Do I want to stay faithful?

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I’ve been at my current gym for almost two years now and our relationship is very up and down – probably due to my moods and dependent on what and how much pre-workout I’ve had. We’ve had some good times, success stories and a lot of personal bests but there is also some ongoing bad habits which make me feel it’s time to move on as I just can’ get over them and it puts a strain on our relationship.

It’s a clean gym with shiny equipment and lots to choose from but I wish it was better maintained (the equipment) – they don’t lube up the weight/resistance machines so there’s often friction and this increases resistance and makes it bounce and the weight fall down slowly. When I’m already beast mode, I can feel my skin going green when this happens and can feel twinges of me going hulk smash on the equipment as I’m already pumped up on pre-workout. All I want to do it my rope attachment tricep extensions, FFS! To be fair, I’m not hench by any stretch of the imagination but that is a work in progress.

Another big issue in our relationship is the fact the gym appears to have a sufficient air conditioning system but the PT’s feel it is obviously a better idea to open the doors downstairs which is great if you can grab one of the 5 treadmills right in front of the open door but as a result makes me bake upstairs where there is no air supply. There I am, kicking some ass on the bike upstairs, burning guilty calories from the cheesey marmite toast I had – at the same time melting away from lack of air conditioning. All the little fans on each CV machine have been broken and as a result just flop down and blow air on the floor, this is a frustration within itself.

The other day, I actually gave up after 10 mins. In a huff I got off the machine and went home having done nothing but 10 mins cycling and still pumped from pre-workout I just sat at home, fidgeting and eating!

On the other hand, it’s a 24 hr gym with a huge free car park and huge equipment and weight area. It’s a good price at less than £20 pcm and as I can’t swim I’m glad I don’t have to pay for a pool I’ll never use.

I do hold a high degree of disgust for the other members I have to share with who don’t understand the concept of the sweat towel policy but I’m guessing that it a international dilemma and not limited as a hate campaign against me singularly but I struggle to cope and keep sane after having to experience the warmth and sweat still visible when I go to use a machine after someone else and the debate over whether to use my own towel to mop up their “leavings” or whether to use something else without making a smart assed remark as I walk past.

I checking out my options and testing out other before I move on to make sure I’m making to right decision. Sounds like it might be time to move on…sorry babe, I think it’s over.

Why Can’t You Be Normal

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I’ve noticed a lot of my strange quirks as I am actually quite a quiet and reserved person. I clearly spend too much time analysing myself and everyone else – I’m not weird or a stalker though I promise…although I bet all the weird people or stalkers say that to begin with…

During one of my many “self-reviews” I often find myself cringing at what I did say/do or what didn’t say/do. I don’t think I used to be like this when I was younger but then at the same time I think I was. I’m very cautious of people which I maybe why I love animals so much. I’ll be ordering my crazy cat lady starter pack soon…

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I find I beat myself up (in my head), I’m very critical and worst of all I feel guilty about things that I did weeks/months.years ago and keep reliving them and feeling as bad as I did then. Why do I do this? Am I the only one that does?

Sometimes, when I’m forced into a social situation, I find myself checking the clock and disappearing to the toilet for long periods of times, longing for my partner (C) or my mum to give me a call so I can escape. I don’t know why – the people I go out with aren’t bad, or boring, or rude people I just feel like I’m way in the deep end.

Birthdays and Christmas have got to be two of the worst times for me. The guilt is awful, I wish people would not get me gifts just because I feel bad, for reasons unknown, and I know that even if I don’t like it I will have to lie to them and “be grateful”. I feel so guilt-ridden but I don;t know anyone else like this. Does anyone else get these feelings?

I recently got a Meditation CD and listen to it as I drift off to sleep so I don’t have to think about anything as I drift off – this is my worst time in terms of guilty or embarrassing “flashbacks”.

Does anyone else feels this way? How do you deal with these feelings?

 

The Power in Knowledge

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As I spoke of on my “Dear 2014” post I have been recording everything I eat and drink as well as all exercise I complete. I am using MyFitnessPal so I get to track my weight too and it’s all in one place – I’ve used it before and it is really a good app – the best I have come across and to help stop my poor diet and eating ways I’ve decided to use it again to get myself back on track.

Ironically, since using the app I’ve had very little snacking and binge eating and to top it off I’ve started doing more cardio. I find it funny how usually I couldn’t careless what or when I eat but since using the app again I am now conscious without being full aware. I only noticed when I scrolled back through the past couple of days and there was no cheese, coca-cola or Doritos any more.

Does anyone else find once they start noticing and taking note of what they eat they start being more wary and careful of what they pile in? Do you start exercising more?

Dear 2014…

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It’s time for everyone to forcefully think of at least one new years resolution giving none or one may result in disappointment by others and it placates people for them to say “oooh I wonder how long that will last…” – while I quietly think that it is just as well my resolution is not to stop being sarcastic because I’d be breaking that bad boy right now…

I must admit that I a real swearer, really quite appalling at times, but it makes me feel good and that is one thing that I will never willingly “promise” to stop. Sometimes I can’t make it out my room in the morning without muttering something highly inappropriate and thinking I’ll try again tomorrow…

I have been thinking of what I would like to do next year (not what I will do) and it’ll be a surprise for me if I am able to gratify any of them. I have managed to compulsively give up smoking and drinking (at separate times) with no real reason that I know of and also I go to the gym a lot which was also not a fazed or hyped up new years promise. I pretty proud of those random accomplishments although struggle to see results as a result of any one them but maybe that’s my personality and mind more than anything as I’m pretty kick ass now with the weights section!

1) Read a different book each month – I’m pretty up for this one. I like reading but often go through phases of power reading then I’m burnt out and cant bear a book for months on end. I only read non-fiction and some of the stuff I read is pretty deep and emotionally consuming. I haven’t read for months as the most recent book I read was may a little too depressing and got me feeling kind of down which sucks really. I still haven;t finished it and can;t really bare the thought of doing so but my mind says finish what you started and maybe that’s why my Kindle looks at me with puppy dog eyes every night. I struggle finding things to read too as I need to be sold it within the first few lines of the back of the book otherwise it’s cut and I’m moving on to the next book. I think I’ll put that in the “we’ll see” drawer in my head and maybe bank that another day…

2) Download (and use) one of those app’s and record my incomes/outgoings – I am a fraudsters dream – only completing my online banking to make my bills and trying my hardest not to look at or take in my balance. I have some nice things to show for my sad balance but in retrospect I think I like the balance more… I’ve looked at these apps and in principle they sound easy, great and clear. I’m sure after a couple of days I’ll start “saving” up receipts to “input” at the weekend, even that pack of chewing gum or can of Red Bull. All of those receipts will lead to an angry partner (C) who despises receipts and this will result in a receipt cull and me uninstalling the app without a second thought and I’ll still be none the wiser as to where my money has gone…but I’m sure it will have been on something great like hairbands because I left mine at home or some socks that I didn’t need but my gym clothes and socks don’t match.

3) Download (and use) an app for tracking gym progress and food intake – I’m already part on this one. Earlier in the year I was using Fitocracy every time and it was pretty addictive. Then I was ill and had to stop the gym for a while and I kind of felt a bit put off going back on as I had been bigging up with other members my gym love and loyalty. I’m sure they won’t judge me but as I write this I still haven’t been back on despite doing some new personal records recently (with the help of pre-work out). I have, however, been using MyFitnessPal which is an excellent diet/food and exercise app. It’s easy clear and does what it should do without me wanting to cry and uninstall in the haste of an emotional turmoil after deleting a days work! I guess I shouldn’t have started until January 2014 but I guess I can just keep these few days before a secret – I’d hate people to think I’ve cheated my way out of a resolution. I don;t think it is unrealistic of me to get back on these apps as I’m half doing it and I’ve done the other half before!

4) Photograph my body at the three main angles (front, side & back) every fortnight – this is not for some weird sexual desire (at this point) but as I briefly mentioned above I work my ass on in the gym and I just can’t see the results on myself. Despite people positively commenting and the weight going up. I want to kind of be able to do those cheesey “before & after” pictures but mine are through my solid gym determination and not some new diet pill for “red apple” or “purple banana”. I don’t know what I want to achieve from going to the gym. Maybe that was a lie, I want to eat as much as I can (especially cheese) and have an amazing arse! I don’t want a six pack which is just as well as I am more likely to grow testicles than I am to diet! This is something I feel is sustainable as long as C is happy to do the pictures as I cringe at the thought of those “selfie” style shots.

5) Take a photo every day – not an inane one of what glasses I am wearing or what colour bra I have on but one that sums up something good from that day. I like this idea but when I’m grumpy I’m just too stubborn to not be grumpy all that day which may secretly and unknowingly ruin this for me. I also don;t know where I’ll store them or post them. I could try Tumblr again but I would rather use that account for my strange love of manly men, feminine females, abandoned buildings, tattoos and bunny rabbits – don’t judge me – I’m just appreciating what nature gives us. May be this one needs more thought but in principal would sound like a great resolution.

My closing question is what would you like to say you 2014 resolution(s) is/are and also use evidence to justify why you’ll bank it for next year…?