Dear 2014…

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It’s time for everyone to forcefully think of at least one new years resolution giving none or one may result in disappointment by others and it placates people for them to say “oooh I wonder how long that will last…” – while I quietly think that it is just as well my resolution is not to stop being sarcastic because I’d be breaking that bad boy right now…

I must admit that I a real swearer, really quite appalling at times, but it makes me feel good and that is one thing that I will never willingly “promise” to stop. Sometimes I can’t make it out my room in the morning without muttering something highly inappropriate and thinking I’ll try again tomorrow…

I have been thinking of what I would like to do next year (not what I will do) and it’ll be a surprise for me if I am able to gratify any of them. I have managed to compulsively give up smoking and drinking (at separate times) with no real reason that I know of and also I go to the gym a lot which was also not a fazed or hyped up new years promise. I pretty proud of those random accomplishments although struggle to see results as a result of any one them but maybe that’s my personality and mind more than anything as I’m pretty kick ass now with the weights section!

1) Read a different book each month – I’m pretty up for this one. I like reading but often go through phases of power reading then I’m burnt out and cant bear a book for months on end. I only read non-fiction and some of the stuff I read is pretty deep and emotionally consuming. I haven’t read for months as the most recent book I read was may a little too depressing and got me feeling kind of down which sucks really. I still haven;t finished it and can;t really bare the thought of doing so but my mind says finish what you started and maybe that’s why my Kindle looks at me with puppy dog eyes every night. I struggle finding things to read too as I need to be sold it within the first few lines of the back of the book otherwise it’s cut and I’m moving on to the next book. I think I’ll put that in the “we’ll see” drawer in my head and maybe bank that another day…

2) Download (and use) one of those app’s and record my incomes/outgoings – I am a fraudsters dream – only completing my online banking to make my bills and trying my hardest not to look at or take in my balance. I have some nice things to show for my sad balance but in retrospect I think I like the balance more… I’ve looked at these apps and in principle they sound easy, great and clear. I’m sure after a couple of days I’ll start “saving” up receipts to “input” at the weekend, even that pack of chewing gum or can of Red Bull. All of those receipts will lead to an angry partner (C) who despises receipts and this will result in a receipt cull and me uninstalling the app without a second thought and I’ll still be none the wiser as to where my money has gone…but I’m sure it will have been on something great like hairbands because I left mine at home or some socks that I didn’t need but my gym clothes and socks don’t match.

3) Download (and use) an app for tracking gym progress and food intake – I’m already part on this one. Earlier in the year I was using Fitocracy every time and it was pretty addictive. Then I was ill and had to stop the gym for a while and I kind of felt a bit put off going back on as I had been bigging up with other members my gym love and loyalty. I’m sure they won’t judge me but as I write this I still haven’t been back on despite doing some new personal records recently (with the help of pre-work out). I have, however, been using MyFitnessPal which is an excellent diet/food and exercise app. It’s easy clear and does what it should do without me wanting to cry and uninstall in the haste of an emotional turmoil after deleting a days work! I guess I shouldn’t have started until January 2014 but I guess I can just keep these few days before a secret – I’d hate people to think I’ve cheated my way out of a resolution. I don;t think it is unrealistic of me to get back on these apps as I’m half doing it and I’ve done the other half before!

4) Photograph my body at the three main angles (front, side & back) every fortnight – this is not for some weird sexual desire (at this point) but as I briefly mentioned above I work my ass on in the gym and I just can’t see the results on myself. Despite people positively commenting and the weight going up. I want to kind of be able to do those cheesey “before & after” pictures but mine are through my solid gym determination and not some new diet pill for “red apple” or “purple banana”. I don’t know what I want to achieve from going to the gym. Maybe that was a lie, I want to eat as much as I can (especially cheese) and have an amazing arse! I don’t want a six pack which is just as well as I am more likely to grow testicles than I am to diet! This is something I feel is sustainable as long as C is happy to do the pictures as I cringe at the thought of those “selfie” style shots.

5) Take a photo every day – not an inane one of what glasses I am wearing or what colour bra I have on but one that sums up something good from that day. I like this idea but when I’m grumpy I’m just too stubborn to not be grumpy all that day which may secretly and unknowingly ruin this for me. I also don;t know where I’ll store them or post them. I could try Tumblr again but I would rather use that account for my strange love of manly men, feminine females, abandoned buildings, tattoos and bunny rabbits – don’t judge me – I’m just appreciating what nature gives us. May be this one needs more thought but in principal would sound like a great resolution.

My closing question is what would you like to say you 2014 resolution(s) is/are and also use evidence to justify why you’ll bank it for next year…?

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Miscommunication

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This isn’t usually a problem I encounter but today I was left speechless by my partner (C) and it made me reflect back on a previous time (maybe less than a year ago) where I was equally surprised – although at that time I believed maybe I was a little daft.

There is a man – well lots, but one in particular who I’ll refer to as H – at the gym both C and I go to. I have spoken to him a 5/6 times before and C is fully aware of this. At first C was saying he was OK etc and the comments have begun to get slightly more negative each time I have mentioned H. I won’t say I am overly positive/enthusiastic about him and I don’t mention him at an inappropriate/insensitive time.

Anyway, H was at the gym and as usual we ended up talking – I would like to add we only ever really talk about fitness – and he came back over to me at the end of his workout and gave me his number saying that if I ever want to go training with someone just to let him know and if he’s free he’ll come along too. I thought nothing of it other than as a kind gesture as we both do similar exercises but H is more knowledgeable and experienced than me!

I left the number on the side when I got home thinking nothing of it really and I would never hide anything from C anyway. C obviously saw the name and number later on and made some remark about the fact I had his number which I said was true he had given it to me earlier. I chucked it away not long after that chat while clearing up before bed.

Today was maybe a bad day for C as he was maybe tired and a little under the weather but was clearly not happy about H giving me his number calling him something, well, unmentionable on here – despite it being one of my favorite words – and asking how I had managed to obtain his number. I responded politely as usual about the whole “if I need anyone to train with”…clearly unhappy C then disappeared back away from me.

I’ve heard nothing more on the subject regarding H and we have seen and eaten together since – I just find it quite bizarre. After he disappeared I did, however, remember a previous occasion. This was when a male, I’ll call T, contacted me asking if I wanted to go to some woods to take some pictures. It sounds dodgy but I really enjoy taking woodland/nature/abandoned building pictures and he does too. I often plaster them all over my sites so T would be aware of this. When I told C about this he felt that B clearly was interested in something further than just taking photos so sadly for B I never responded.

I don’t “flaunt” myself about, I’m pretty reserved, quiet and try to stay invisible so I can’t imagine that I give these men “the wrong idea” and on the same hand they are both aware I am with C (happily) and make no suggestions otherwise. I would never, on the same hand, “rub it in” to C about these offers by T or H. I don’t get it – am I naive? Is C just reading too much into things? Neither of us are particularly jealous but his behaviour does not seem how it would usually be…